


Not "He"

by TripCreates



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anxiety, Coming Out, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Gender Identity, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Yuri Plisetsky, Post Grand Prix Final, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-27
Updated: 2016-11-27
Packaged: 2018-09-02 12:46:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8668177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TripCreates/pseuds/TripCreates
Summary: Yuri took a deep breath. “I’m not… I mean… I didn’t like hearing you refer to me as ‘him’. I don’t want to be called that.” Yuri takes a trip back to Japan to speak with Viktor after the Grand Prix Final.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Here's another fill for the tumblr [YOI Kink Meme](http://yoikinkmeme.tumblr.com/)! This was written for [this prompt](http://yoikinkmeme.tumblr.com/tagged/prompt:%20067) about nonbinary Yurio coming out to Viktor. 
> 
> This fic does deal some with Yurio still coming to terms with his gender, including misgendering himself. It only happened once at the beginning.
> 
> This is fic is very personal to me because I identify as nonbinary myself so when I saw this prompt, I knew I had to write it. I tried to keep this as Yurio's coming out experience as much as possible but I'd be lying if a little bit of my feelings didn't end up in this. The reason I chose for Yurio to use they/them pronouns is because that's what I use and felt more comfortable writing them.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this. All comments and kudos are much appreciated.

Yuri made his way to the Ice Castle. No, _their_ way _._ Yuri made _their_ way to the Ice Castle. Even after coming to the understanding they were nonbinary, Yuri was still getting used to it and not referring to themself as “he”. Yuri wasn’t sure if they’d ever get used to it.

That was a concern. How could Yuri be able to tell Viktor this if they couldn’t even get it right all the time? Now they were second guessing themself on whether they should even tell Viktor. It’s not that he  _needed_ to know now. Yuri could always wait a little longer.

Yuri stopped in their tracks. No, they thought, shaking their head. They needed to tell someone this and stop holding it in.

Mila had been a choice. Not because she was in Russia with Yuri but she’d become like an older sister to Yuri. Yes, she teased them _a lot_ but she was always there for Yuri when they needed it. Despite that, something was telling Yuri to tell Viktor first. They weren’t sure why but he seemed like the one who would be more understanding about this.

Yuri began walking again, the familiar ice rink coming into view. As they climbed the stairs and reached the landing, Yuri realized they didn’t know what to say to Viktor. More thought should have been put into this before they decided to get on a plane and fly to Japan.

As Yuri stood in front of the door, Yuuko noticed and waved. Shit. They couldn’t just run away now and act like they never came because she would tell Viktor they were there.

“I did not come all this way for nothing. I’m doing this,” Yuri said out loud before approaching the door.

“Yurio-kun!” Yuuko greeted. “I didn’t know you were coming here for a visit.”

Yuri pulled their hood down and looked at her. “It was a last minute decision. I’m not staying long.”

Viktor was the only one that knew about the visit and was asked to keep it that. Yuri were glad to see that it stayed that way. Unless Viktor forgot they were even coming.

Yuuko crossed her arms and leaned down against the counter. “I’m glad to see you again. Viktor and Yuuri should be finishing up soon. You can have a seat and wait for them.”

Yuri nodded and headed over to one of the benches, sitting down. They set their backpack next to them on the bench while they waited. Since they weren’t staying long, there was no need to bring any extra luggage. They pulled their phone out of their pocket to have something to so as they waited.

 

Nervousness and anxiety began to build in Yuri the longer they waited for Viktor. Yuuko had joined them to talk and catch up but Yuri didn’t hear most of what she was saying. It wasn’t intentional, they just couldn’t focus on the words.

What if Yuri was wrong about Viktor? What if he reacted badly or told them they were being ridiculous and there was no such thing as nonbinary?

A door opened and “Yurio!” broke Yuri out of their spiraling thoughts.

Yuri looked up to see Yuuri smiling at them with Viktor behind him.

“I’m surprised you’re here but it’s good to see you again,” Yuuri said as he and Viktor walked over to them.

“There’s just something I needed to see Viktor about,” Yuri answered.

They glanced up and was relieved to see Viktor didn’t look surprised by that. For once he didn’t forget something important.

“It’s good to see you, Yuri,” Viktor greeted. “I hoped your flight was well.”

“It was.”

Yuuri and Viktor sat down on the bench across from Yuri and started unlacing their skates.

“Wait, you knew he was coming?” Yuuri asked Viktor.

“I did. I just forgot to mention it,” he replied.

“If you’re hungry, you’re welcome to join my family and me tonight for dinner,” Yuuri offered, glancing back Yuri. “It’s my sister’s birthday but she wouldn’t mind if you were there.”

Before Yuri could decline, Viktor said, “Yuri and I actually have plans for this evening if that’s alright.”

“Oh, okay. I just wanted to extend the invitation. Are you staying at the Hot Springs while you’re here?” Yuuri asked.

Yuri nodded.

“Then I’ll see you back there.” Yuuri pulled off his skates and slipped on his sneakers. He pressed a kiss to Viktor’s cheek and stood up. “I’ll see you later. Bye, Yuuko, Yurio.”

With a wave, Yuuri was out the door to meet his family.

“Sorry to keep you waiting, Yuri,” Viktor said as he finished with his own skates. “And thank you, Yuuko, for keeping him company while we finished practice.”

Yuri cringed at the word “him” but tried to keep their face neutral.

Viktor stood up once his shoes were on and Yuri did the same, sliding the backpack on. They were ready to hurry up and get out of there.

“Don’t try and leave without saying goodbye this time, Yurio-kun,” Yuuko said as Viktor led the way to the door.

Yuri waved to her as they followed Viktor out the door. They would make sure they gave her a proper goodbye instead of sneaking away like before.

“Is everything okay, Yuri?” Viktor asked, slipping into Russian, as they descended the stairs. “I was worried when you said you wanted to talk in person and fly down here during the competition season. I’m sure Yakov wasn’t happy.”

“No, he wasn’t. But since I have some time before the European Championships, I thought I would take a couple of days off. This is just something I didn’t want to discuss over the phone,” Yuri explained.

Viktor studied Yuri for a moment before looking away.

 

From there, it was silent as they walked except for their footsteps on the sidewalk. The air was chilly enough to see their breath as the exhaled but not cold enough to make the walk unbearable.

Yuri stuck their hands into their jacket pockets and kept their eyes ahead of them as they walked, jaw clenched. This was harder than Yuri thought it would be.

Viktor eventually broke the silence once the rink was behind them. “Did I say something that upset you before we left?”

Yuri tensed up. “What makes you think that?” they asked, their strained voice betraying their attempt at sounding fine.

Viktor glanced over at Yuri and said, “It was the face you made when I spoke to Yuuko.”

Damn, he did notice after all. They sighed. Least this gave Yuri a way to start the conversation.

“You’re not wrong. It was something you said.”

Yuri dropped their gaze to the sidewalk, tightening their hands into fists inside the jacket pockets.

Viktor waited patiently for Yuri to continue. That helped give them a chance to collect their thoughts.

Yuri took a deep breath. “I’m not… I mean… I didn’t like hearing you refer to me as ‘him’. I don’t want to be called that.”

“Okay, I won’t do so anymore,” he replied without hesitation.

Yuri glanced over at Viktor. “Just like that? You’re not even going to ask me why?”

Viktor met Yuri’s gaze. “I can see where this is going and you can tell me, Yuri. I’m assuming that’s why you came here in the first place. I just don’t want you to feel as if you’re pressured to tell me something you’re not ready to say,” he said.

Yuri realized Viktor was giving them a way out of this conversation. Did Yuri want that?

No. Yuri wasn’t a quitter and they weren’t going to stop now.

“It started out as me taking on a more androgynous look for my short program. I didn’t think too much of it then. I just wanted to do whatever it took to win and thought it would help my performance by going against everyone’s expectations of me like you said to do,” Yuri began.

They felt their chest tightening but they weren’t going to stop now that they started. “But it was when I was off the ice that I noticed something was different. Maybe the feeling was always there but I never questioned it. I began researching it online to find an explanation for this and found I wasn’t the only one to experience this feeling. It even led me the word to describe myself.”

Yuri stopped in their tracks. Viktor stopped a step ahead of them and turned back. He gave a Yuri a look of understanding as he waited for Yuri to continue again.

Yuri took a deep breath, feeling the chilly air rush in their chest, and exhaled. “I’m nonbinary.”

There was a beat of silence as Viktor smiled. He stepped toward Yuri and rested his hand on their shoulder. “I’m so proud of you, Yuri. This is not an easy thing to tell someone and I admire your bravery in doing so. Thank you for being able to trust me with knowing.”

Yuri felt all the built up tension in their body release as tears rolled down their cheeks. Without saying anything, they crashed their face into Viktor’s chest, wrapping their arms around him. Their whole body shook with sobs. This was all they ever wanted to hear from Viktor, that he was proud of them. They just didn’t think it would come from a situation like this.

Viktor was caught off guard by the sudden hug but wrapped his arms around Yuri. He gently patted the back of their head, trying to offer Yuri some form of comfort. He still was not good with people crying in front of him. “It’s okay, Yuri. You don’t have to hold it in anymore.”

Normally, Yuri hated to cry like this in public. They didn’t want people to think they were weak but right now, they didn’t care. Yuri was going to cry as much as they wanted because they were so damn happy and relieved that Viktor accepted them.

The two of them remained standing there, embracing on the sidewalk, ignoring the world around them. As Yuri’s crying lessened and the tears stopped, they pulled away.

“Thank you, Viktor,” they mumbled, wiping their cheeks with the back of their jacket sleeve.

“You’re welcome, Yuri,” Viktor replied.

He slowly began walking again and Yuri followed, catching back up to his side.

“Since you don’t want to be referred to with male pronouns, which do you prefer?”

“They and them if you don’t mind.”

Viktor nodded, saying, “I can do that. Would you like me tell Yuuri so he doesn’t accidentally misgender you or would you want to tell him?”

“You can tell him my pronouns.” While Yuri had grown to like Yuuri more and they were on better terms than when they first met, Yuri wasn’t ready to tell him directly. Maybe someday.

“I’ll talk to him about it after dinner tonight then. Am I the first person you told?” Viktor asked.

Yuri glanced up at him before dropping his gaze. “Yes. I wanted you to be the first.”

Viktor’s eyes widened, surprised. “Really?”

Yuri nodded. “I felt like you’d be the most understanding.”

“Well, you’re not wrong about that.”

Yuri raised an eyebrow, giving Viktor a curious look. They had always suspected something about the older man but never wanted to ask.

Viktor smiled and shook his head. “We can discuss me later. Today is about you. Want to get some dinner and talk some more?”

Yuri’s stomach rumbled at the mention of food. “Dinner sounds good,” they said.

 “I know the perfect place to go!”

Yuri couldn’t help but smile at Viktor’s enthusiasm. They were still worried about how others would react to knowing they were nonbinary, especially their grandpa, but Yuri would handle that when the time came. For now, they had Viktor’s support and reassurance that everything was going to be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> While the prompt didn't mean anything about Viktor, I wanted to hint at the fact that he may not identify as cisgender. I'm not sure exactly how I see Viktor but definitely see him more open to the gender spectrum.
> 
> If you liked this and want to reblog on tumblr, use [this post](http://bartonandmurdock.tumblr.com/post/153757648736/not-he).


End file.
